Back to Work/Started Charting

Back to work today...  Which is a good thing!

I'm feeling so low and slow.  I can't tell if I'm physically exhausted or if it's a depression thing.  I don't have much of an appetite so I'm thinking it's depression.  I don't want to feel this way.  It's funny, you never know how you are going to react until something like this happens.  I sort of feel like I'm being a bit of a baby.  I was only five weeks along, had only just found out.  I can't imagine having a miscarriage later on the pregnancy, my heart goes out to all the women who have later term miscarriages or stillborns.  Even worse, women who have been trying to conceive for some time only to have it end tragically.  We were lucky in that it was our first shot at trying to make a baby.

Now for decisions, decisions.  When to start trying again.  My husband wants to start immediately, but I don't know if I'll be ready.  I'm thinking of waiting a month or two and seeing how I feel then.  I also sneaked a peek at due date calendars and if we get pregnant at the end of March/beginning of April we could potentially have a New Years baby, which would be very special for us (My Mom is a News Years baby).  But c'est la vie.  You can't always plan these things, but this gives me something to look forward to.

I'm having a bit of a hard time with a friend.  She has been trying to conceive for months now and it's finally happened for her.  She actually called me to share her wonderful news while I was waiting at Doc #1 (alas: Dr. Douchebag McGee).  I'm so happy for her and her husband, but it's sort of still a little too raw to start hearing about how excited she is.  It sucks because I don't want to steal her thunder.  I'm just keeping my mouth shut and avoiding the whole thing for the time being.  Time will heal, but right now I'm just not going to expect that of myself.

So onto some positives:
I start charting this morning.  First temperature taking.  I bought a pretty pink Basal Thermometer and used it this morning.  I started getting grumpy when it took nearly three minutes to register, but it's done.  First day done!  I'm doing this to figure out my body more.  I've also read that charting your temperature every day in your first trimester can help you spot a miscarriage before it happens.  Not that I'm thinking it will happen again, it's just that I don't want to have to go back to another Dr. and sit and wait in those waiting rooms for the dreaded news.  It would be nice if I already knew my body enough.  Plus, I can wake up every morning feeling reassured!

I'm trying to look at some silver linings to this miscarriage cloud.  It's my Birthday next Monday and that means that I will be able to go out to the Sheesha bar and smoke sheesha and drink alcohol for my birthday.  Not as cool as having a baby, but I'm taking what I can here.

I'm also going to start training again for the Underwear Affair 10 km run.  I don't know if I have it in me to run today, so I might just hit the pool and swim and soak in a hot tub (another thing I can now do) and just keep listening for my body to tell me it's ready to be pushed again.  I'm hoping soon.  I miss running, it clears my head and makes me feel happier.